Helping You Love Yourself into Success with Less Stress! Loving Yourself into Less Stress for Weigh-in Success Part III: How to Love and Listen to Yourself by Ilenya Marrin, DSS HOME FREE NEWSLETTER PRODUCTS SERVICES ABOUT ME TESTIMONIALS RESOURCES CONTACT Typical Challenges of Stress on Weight Loss Getting more specific about handling stress and its impact on your weight loss process, let's look at some typical problem areas: judging yourself, being too busy to plan and prepare healthy meals, and being driven to eat by a part of yourself that always wants "something." Many other stress factors from a bad day at work to cantankerous kids can trigger your self-judgments. Likewise, your choices to juggle multiple roles and responsibilities impact your lack of time for meal preparation. And any of the stressors in your life can trigger the "hungry feeling" that is temporarily comforted by your favorite foods. To get you working with some principles of self-loving, here are three power tools. 1. Releasing Self-Judgments. You might be thinking or saying things like, "I hate my looks," or "I'm a fat slob!" If so, you are judging yourself, and the judgment stands between you and your choice for self-loving. Instead, you can make statements of self-forgiveness, to release your judgments. Tell yourself, "I forgive myself for judging myself as ugly (or whatever words you use for yourself." You are forgiving the erroneous judgment and freeing yourself from the burden of that self-imposed penalty. Repeat this process as often as necessary until you sense the relief and release of forgiveness, and allow yourself space to really take in the feeling of forgiveness. (I write a good deal more about self-forgiveness in my e-book, The Power of Personal Peace: Reducing Stress by Loving Yourself from the Inside Out.) 2. Taking Time for Yourself. If you tell yourself, "I'm too busy to plan meals and eat right," or "I have to keep snacks and desserts on hand for the kids/my spouse," you have neglected to deeply consider your own needs. This personal neglect registers as unworthiness on a deep level inside. Instead, choose a self-loving response such as taking time to sit and reflect on your intrinsic worthiness to be cared for. You deserve taking time for yourself. You deserve to be able to support your healthy nutrition. If some part of you persists in judgments, go back to the item above and practice self-forgiveness. Get your notebook and pen and write out ideas for HOW you can plan healthier meals for the whole family, taking into consideration your unique nutritional needs. If necessary, consult a nutritionist. Enlist the help of your spouse and kids to come up meal plans that everyone will eat. Schedule some time for cooking and freezing favorite healthy meals for future use for speed and convenience. Make this a priority. You're worth it. Take some time for self-nurturing. Walk, swim, ride a bike, take a bubble bath, buy yourself some flowers. Declare an afternoon yours alone and read a delicious escape novel or take yourself to a movie. Get a massage or nail treatment. What are some small tangible ways you love and nurture yourself? 3. Listening to Your Inner Self. If you eat when you're bored, lonely, tired, stressed, anxious, or when you're not really hungry but your mouth wants something to do, here's an approach that might help. Stick a big note on the refrigerator and pantry doors, "What do you really want?" When you go prowling for "fill in food," read that note and instead of snacking, take ten minutes to go to another room and dialogue with yourself. While you are making up this dialogue between your normal conscious self and a specific aspect of your personality -- let's call it "Eat-seeker" to be descriptive -- you'll be amazed at the depth and release you can find from a simple process. In order to stay focused and be able to remember what your answers were – very useful for future work with yourself – I suggest that you write down your inner conversation in your journal. Example. Your inner dialogue might take all sorts of turns and twists, but stick with it. Remember, the part of you with which you are engaging in this dialogue ALWAYS has an ultimately positive motivation, to help you in some way. See if you can find ways to gently nurture, redirect or cooperate with that part of you in support of your whole and healthy self. Here's one example of how it might go, based on some of my experiences. Eat-seeker part in front of refrigerator: "I dunno what I want, something to eat." Me (going to sit down in another room, writing in journal) What do I really want? Eat-seeker part: "I want the crunch of corn chips! Now!" Me: What do I really want? Eat-seeker part: "I want to feel warm and comfortable in my full tummy." Me: Are there some other ways we can get that feeling? Eat-seeker part: "Put your hand on my tummy." Me: (placing hand on abdomen above belly-button): "What do I really want?" Eat-seeker part: (softly) "To feel safe and loved." Me: How can I help you feel safe and loved? Eat-seeker part: "Pay attention to me. I'm more than the hungry part." Me: How can I help you feel safe and loved? More than hungry part: "Listen to me. I can tell you things. Right now we need to do more fun stuff. Too much work all the time." Me: So if I go for a walk up in the mountains where all the butterflies are, would that be something fun for you? More than hungry part: "Sure. But I'd like to go to a movie too. Out with the girls." Me: I think I could do that. Tomorrow afternoon, that new movie I've been wanting to see. Funny, I don't think I'm hungry any more. Please note that if you reach an agreement with this inner aspect of yourself, it is very important to keep your agreement. Go write it down on your calendar. In this example, if you can't find a friend to go with you, go to the movie by yourself! Just as you would be careful about making an agreement or appointment with another person, be careful to make your inner agreements ones you can reasonably keep. If you don't, you will likely not gain the cooperation of this aspect of yourself. When you do keep your agreements with yourself, you will build great self-loving and trust. If you practice writing dialogues like this for a few weeks, you will probably reach a point of being able to tune in and imagine such a dialogue any time with relative ease. You can quickly identify the underlying trigger for your desire for a snack or overeating, and redirect yourself to an activity or way of thinking that meets your real needs much better. Click on the links below for the rest of the articles in this series. Part I: Overview Part II: Basics of Loving Yourself from the Inside Out Part III: How to Love Yourself and Your Weight Loss Process Part IV: How to Love Yourself Forward with Small Steps Back to List of Articles

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