Helping You Love Yourself into Success with Less Stress! From Heartbreak to Healing: Beyond Surviving the Stress of Divorce by Ilenya Marrin, DSS HOME FREE NEWSLETTER PRODUCTS SERVICES ABOUT ME TESTIMONIALS RESOURCES CONTACT Stress of a Painful and Ugly Divorce Divorce is one of the most stressful situations in the Western world. For too many people, it is painful, ugly, and stressful for months if not years. It turns your world topsy turvy and your emotions inside out. Your self-esteem may bottom out, you may be anxious or depressed, and you're quite likely struggling with financial fiascos, property problems and even worse, child custody conflicts. Just when your heart is broken because of parting from someone you once loved deeply, you have to cope with a mountain of other stressors related to loss and recreating your entire life to "single-hood." How can you use the turmoil of such a messy and difficult time to actually lift yourself to a higher level of living? It's actually possible to go through a divorce (or the break-up of a long term relationship) without losing yourself, and to turn this stressful period into the positive growth experience of your life! You may be in such distress right now that it's challenging to see how anyone could find anything of value in such an experience. If so, take a deep breath, steady yourself, and read a little further. While each divorce is unique and the problems and needs of the couple who are "coming unglued" from each other vary widely, there are some common challenges and strategies for overcoming them. What I want you find in this article is 1) encouragement, and 2) several ideas that you can immediately apply to your individual situation. If I Can,You Can First of all, I know you can move out of the paralyzing pain of ending a marriage or relationship and into a positive and growthful outlook, because I did it! Not once, but twice. At age 27, despite deep emotional wounds, I made a decision that my divorce would be as amicable as possible. We were able to go through a no-fault procedure, and remained on peaceful speaking terms. I sought psychological counseling for a few months to support my process of reflection and redefining my life and my goals. I then embarked on a life-changing adventure, traveling to England where I lived and worked for two years. In my late thirties, after a seven-year live-in relationship in which we were growing farther and farther apart, I said to my mate, "I think we can be better friends if we don't live together." I moved out and we handled property division in a simple and caring way. We had many lunches together to sort out feelings and find a basis for an ongoing friendship. Later, he met and happily "approved of" the man who is now my husband. To this day, we are friends and we speak by phone a few times a year. In the early months after splitting up, I did a tremendous amount of personal growth work with myself, based on reading, counseling, and experiences through church and other spiritual groups. In addition, my husband has used a divorce to learn and grow, and his ex-wife has done the same! His previous wife is now one of my closest friends. That's a long story for another article, but I just want you to know it's possible to transform yourself, your outlook and your emotions even to the point of being on very friendly terms with your ex in a new form of relationship. You get to choose how far you want to take your growth process, but you absolutely do not have to settle for on-going misery! Click here for Part II: Strategies for Overcoming the Stress of Divorce

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